Being back at work has strengthened my conviction that some women are not made to be SAHMs; I am one of them.
Work is at a rather large and cumbersome organization; it’s not rocket science and it’s moving at a fraction of the pace that I am used to. I suppose the silver lining is that I get home to see bubba on most nights.
I have also joined a gym to exercise during lunch which means 1) I get to finally work on my 2012 fitness goals and 2) not eat into bubba-time or me-time. The office is in Central’s no man’s land; it takes a good 10 minute brisk walk mostly uncovered (under the hot sun) to get anywhere (for lunch, shopping or errands). F is a good cook (Asian cuisine), Mr. P and I get packed lunches so there is no better way to fully utilize my hour long break. Having to pay for the membership is of course added motivation – I don’t like to waste money on unnecessary stuff; think of all the shoes I can buy with that gym fees (le sigh)!!
Another good thing that came out of my return (to the workforce) is that for some reasons, I see more of Mr. P then when I was staying at home with bubba. He is making the extra effort to go the long way into work just so that he can take the ferry with me. Last week we even managed drinks (2 nights) and dinner (Wednesday) after work.
C is doing a lot better now that she realizes “mama go work” too. We’ve got our routine down pat: 1-1.5 hrs of family time in the morning; I Skype her from work after her lunch (she has come to expect and even asks after me if I fail to call her after a certain time) and 30 min of bedtime routine. She is a lot more affectionate (rather better at showing it) and I am better with sharing her affections because at the end of the day I will always be MAMA.
A small part of me feels sad that I am missing out on her growing years, but I am a better (and far happier) mum not trying to control every minutiae of her life. The worrier in me occasionally frets over “if I am doing enough to aid her mental / emotional developments”. Up until I was 7, I saw my mum only fortnightly on Mondays when the coffeeshop she sells chicken rice at shut (she left the house before I woke and return after I was in bed). I remembered how much I looked forward to our outings; she would pick me up after PAP and take me places. I was pretty much a latched key kid and I turned out fine; I hope my worries will be unfounded.
Life is wonderful; I have a fabulous kiddo, I get to put on gorgeous dresses and nice shoes, I get to spend time with the man I love and I have money coming into my account!